Adding Tools to Your Toolbox: a Parent Workshop Series

My fabulous co-counselor, Karen, loves to try new things. We sit around and come up with crazy ideas in the hopes of meeting the needs that we see around our neck of the woods (not there are any woods in this desert...)! At the start of the year, we thought it would be a great idea to have a 4 week series for parents. So we put it in the master calendar... and promptly forgot about it! When January rolled around, we suddenly realized we were actually going to have to plan and present on four separate topics, each one being 1.5 hours long. Whoops!

And, all joking aside, it turned out to be a fantastic experience. ​Karen and I had the chance to dig into materials that we'd studied years before. We brainstormed interactive discussion topics and activities, and found fun or inspiring video clips. We made pretty slide shows and handouts. We worked out details like flyers, newsletter blurbs, emails, room reservations, IT difficulties... so many little things!

And the best part? That would be when the parents came, and actively participated, and asked insightful questions, and engaged in meaningful conversations with other parents.... It's what school counselors only dream about! And I couldn't have done it on my own... I'm so thankful to have such an enthusiastic and experienced partner in this.

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Scroll down for the four topics we covered, along with just a few of the activities & resources we shared:

1. Parenting Styles & Skills
2. Fostering Skills in Executive Functions
3. Growth Mindset & Resiliency
4. Dynamic, Changing Families
(scroll down to read more!)

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1. Parenting Styles & Skills

This session focused on parenting and attachment styles. Parents identified their style(s), and learned about the impact of each style. We also shared techniques that foster authentic relationships between parents and their children.

RESOURCE: Dr. Daniel J. Siegel
I am a huge fan of Dr. Daniel J. Siegel, whom I have mentioned on this blog before. We based much of this session on a book he co-wrote with Mary Hartzell, Parenting From the Inside Out: How Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive. The premise of the book is parents' attachment style influences how they parent their child(ren). The book begins by helping readers to identify their own style, then gives practical parenting strategies based on each style. 

ACTIVITY: Family Tree
After sharing about her own history and family tree, Karen discussed how we are all shaped by a unique combination of:

• Parental background and experience
• Culture(s) and religion(s)
• Family Size
• Birth order
• Socioeconomic status
• Educational background
• Our own temperament/ personality

Then, each person was given a family tree  and asked to write down their family members' names and a few details related to the list above. They were asked to share about the patterns they found in their family trees with their table groups.

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2. Fostering Skills in Executive Functions

This session focused on first defining 9 executive skills, then discussed how parents can develop and improve those skills in their children. As executive skills improve, it enables them to work more efficiently and effectively at home and at school. These skills include: planning & prioritizing, organizing, time management, flexibility, emotional control, impulse control, task initiation, sustained attention, and working memory.  (This was the #1 topic requested through a parent survey we'd sent out earlier this year.)

RESOURCES: Peg Dawson
​Another favorite author, Peg Dawson, co-wrote a book with Richard Guare, Executive Skills in Children and Adolescents: A Practical Guide to Assessment and Intervention. It's geared primarily to educators, but the executive skills screener is excellent and can be used by parents to identify skill gaps. We also recommend Dawson's book, Smart but Scattered, which is written specifically for parents.

ACTIVITY: How long is a minute?
​As a part of the discussion about one executive function, time management, we asked, "How long is a minute?" We explained that children must learn, often through experience and practice, to become aware of two aspects of time: accurately predicting the experience of units of time and how long individual tasks will take.

Parents were given the following instructions:
1. Put their heads down or close their eyes.
2. Start their minute when we say "go."
3. Raise their hand when they felt a minute had passed.
4. Look up or open eyes when we say "stop."

As the minute passed, we tally-marked each hand raised in 15-second intervals for two minutes on a white board. Then we asked parents to look at their estimations and discuss how they did as adults (they are generally fairly accurate). We ask them to predict how children in upper elementary do at the same task (generally about the same because they often know strategies such as counting to 60 or listening to the tick of a clock). We discuss the difficulty of adding other tasks and distractions... can we accurately predict a minute if we can no longer count or listen to the ticking clock? We learn to notice a minute based on previous tasks or with the use of tools like timers and alarms, so we, as parents and educators, must build in opportunities for students to practice tasks estimating and confirming timed tasks.

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3. Growth Mindset & Resiliency 

A growth mindset thrives on challenge and sees failure not as evidence of unintelligience, but as a springboard for growth. This perspective, along with building a capacity for being able to ‘bounce back’ from hardships and/or disappointments, are vital for experiencing success and ultimately happiness. This session focused on developing these important skill sets.

RESOURCES: Carol S. Dweck
The founder of the growth mindset movement is Carol S. Dweck, who wrote Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. She is an active researcher, professor, and public speaker. Check out her video to the right which better explains the philosophy behind growth mindset. 

The YouTube video below comes from  the Vook "Mind in the Making: The Essential Life Skills Every Child" (find the link on YouTube). The clip gives a great overview of fixed versus growth mindset, as well as the basics of Carol Dweck's research findings.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTXrV0_3UjY&feature=youtu.be

BONUS VIDEO!

ACTIVITY: Learning Swahili
​To examine our thinking in the midst of a challenging new activity, we asked parents to learn a few words in Swahili! Ten Swahili words and their meaning in English were shown to participants for three minutes. Afterward, they tried to write down the words and meanings they could remember. Then we asked about their strategies, mistakes, and self talk as an introduction to the topic.

"Thank You Mom" is a Proctor & Gamble Commercial from the Sochi 2014 Olympic Winter Games, created by the ad agency Wieden + Kennedy (http://www.wk.com/) in 2014. It clearly shows how children must fall, again and again and again, before they can be successful... and parents have to be willing to let them take those risks!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SwFso7NeuA

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4. Our Dynamic, Changing Families

This session focused on the ways in which families adjust to various challenges and transitions. We touched upon how family roles and dynamics affect the family system. We covered the wonderful joys of siblings: both fostering relationships and dealing with rivalries. Finally, we discuss the importance of open communication, including "I" messages and family meetings, when dealing with conflict and changes as a family.

ACTIVITY: Create a genogram
As an introduction to family roles and dynamics, we watched a clip from Season 3, episode 12 of American comedy, The Middle. The scene at the start of the episode gives us a glimpse into the conflicts and bonds the family members have with one another. Karen and I then used this television family as our example in creating a genogram, which we continued to refer to throughout the session. Parents were invited to build a genogram of their own family.

RESOURCE: The Positive Discipline website
​One of the websites to check out when discussing any and all family concerns is the Parenting and Parent Q & A sections of Positive Discipline. They have many great tools, including the "I feel _____when________  and I wish___________" formula, how to run successful family meetings, and many other topics on the blog. We touched on some of these topics within our presentation, but parents can search on their own as needed.

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After our sessions were over, Karen and I sent out a survey to request feedback. Parents were kind, and gave helpful responses. I am grateful to have had a partner in creating and presenting, as I've learned a great deal from this experience. I also feel more confident and comfortable talking with parents in general! I hope that this post gives you a taste for what we presented, and perhaps inspires you to try your own. And I truly value collaboration with other counselors, so if you already run workshops, please share in the comments below!